我的过渡日记 跨性别经历

跨性别虐待

[et_pb_section admin_label=”Section” global_module=”236″ fullwidth=”on” specialty=”off”transparent_background =”off” background_color=”#ffffff” 所有ow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” padding_mobile=”off” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off”][et_pb_fullwidth_menu global_parent=”236″ admin_label=”Trans Fullwidth Menu” menu_id=”686″ background_color=”#beb9e9″ background_layout=”dark” text_orientation=”center” submenu_direction=”downwards” fullwidth_menu=”off” active_link_color=”#ffffff” dropdown_menu_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ dropdown_menu_line_color=”#ffffff” dropdown_menu_text_color=”#ffffff” dropdown_menu_animation=”fade” module_class=”my_trans_menu_class”] [/et_pb_fullwidth_menu][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label=”section”transparent_background =”off” 所有ow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” custom_padding=”0px|” padding_mobile=”on” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off” background_color=”#ffffff”] [et_pb_row admin_label =”row” global_module=”11288″ make_fullwidth=”on” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”on” padding_mobile=”on” 所有ow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off”column_padding_mobile =”on” custom_padding=”0px|||” custom_margin=”0px|0px||” gutter_width=”1″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text global_parent=”11288″ admin_label=”Grey Bar 文本” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” background_color=”#ffffff” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_padding=”1px||1px|” border_width=”4px”custom_padding_last_edited =”on|phone”custom_padding_tablet =”0px||1px|”] [/et_pb_text][et_pb_post_title global_parent=”11288″ admin_label=”Diary Entry Pink Post Title” title=”on” meta=”on” author=”on” date=”on” date_format=”l, jS F, Y” categories=”on” comments=”off” featured_image=”off” featured_placement=”above” parallax_effect=”on” parallax_method=”on” text_orientation=”center” text_color=”light” text_background=”off” text_bg_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.9)” module_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ title_text_color=”#ffffff” title_all_caps=”off” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_margin=”0px|||” custom_padding=”10px|10px|10px|10px”] [/et_pb_post_title][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row] [et_pb_row admin_label =”row” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”off” padding_mobile=”on” 所有ow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off”column_padding_mobile =”on” custom_padding=”0px|||”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_image admin_label=”diary header Image” src=”//weiyanglogistics.cn/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/diary-0048-header.jpg” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”off” sticky=”off” align=”center” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” disabled=”off” disabled_on=”off|off|off” saved_tabs=”all” alt=”Transgender Diary Entry – 跨性别虐待, by Transgender Artist 索菲·劳森(Sophie Lawson)”] [/et_pb_image] [et_pb_text admin_label =”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” module_class=”purpledropcap类PurpleLinks”] [dropcap]I[/dropcap] planned to go to the wig shop last night (6th May 2017). When I say, ‘the wig shop’, I mean the one I 去年花了三个小时。我已经安排了晚上6:30锁定 利亚,拥有商店的女士。我整周’d很兴奋。那天终于到了,我准备好了。预计会下雨,但宇宙很友善… for not a drop fell 所有 night.

 

经验虽然不是’欢乐,但悲伤和羞耻之一。在我写这篇文章的时候’5月7日早上8点,我醒来哭了。一世’我现在还在哭我一直告诉自己, “痛苦和痛苦是您学习和成长的地方,” a quote from 阿赞·勃拉姆(Ajahn Brahm) that I never forget. There is so much to learn from last nights experience, but 对 now, 所有 I feel is pain. If I make it through this next few years, I think I’我要长成一棵美丽的树,因为我怀疑那里’还有更多的痛苦和苦难。但积极的是,还有很多工作要做。

昨晚发生了什么?我到达了临界点。在前往假发店的路上,我受到两次不同的跨性别虐待事件的欢迎。虽然假发店就在附近,但我必须走一条主要道路。它’总是很忙,但是在星期六晚上特别忙。当一辆汽车停在旁边,一个大家伙把头伸出窗外时,我正沿着路走, “你要去哪里伴侣?嘿队友,你要去哪里?” 他对同伴一词过于同情,好像在说,我知道你’是一个男人,我想让你知道我知道的事,让我感到不舒服,但这没有’似乎对我影响太大。我一直走着。一半笑着,一半在想他多么讨厌。一分钟后,三个年轻人,或者像我姐姐所说的那样, 布偶’s on Mopeds,竞速过去。

显然这是他们第一次在野外露面,但他们似乎从喊叫中被踢了出来, 那’S A MAN, 在我的街对面。他们开始在那儿鸣叫,嘲笑我。它’很奇怪,因为我最初的反应是说谢谢。我说, 谢谢, even though I was terrified, I had a feeling this experience was going to be good for me. The traffic 光s up ahead turned red and I realised, I was going to have to walk past these dudes. I was praying the 光s would change. I was feeling so vulnerable and frightened. I thought about stopping till the 光s changed, just so I didn’不必走过去,但我也觉得我为什么要走?一世’我没有做错任何事。

I could sense the 光s weren’t going to change, so I just focused on walking in a straight line, not paying them any attention. But even over the sound of their engines, you could hear them 所有 laughing. They continued to shout, 那’S A MAN,在繁忙的街道中间,到处都是人走来走去,他们继续发出刺耳的声音,甚至开始指着我。

我感到很as愧。

I just kept walking, but they continued. I wanted the ground to open up. The traffic 光s finally changed and 关 they went, but what little confidence I had build up was gone. What am I doing? I felt so ashamed of myself. I pulled my hair over my face and tried to get to the wig shop as fast as I could. I didn’不想让其他人看到我。

It’很奇怪您会听到每个人都在谈论这样的时刻,但是直到您遭受虐待,您才无法真正理解它使您感到多么脆弱。一世’我只出去了大约六个星期,但我’我已经有一些口头虐待事件,但昨晚’感觉更糟。也许吧’,因为这是彼此之间60秒内的两次攻击。意思是我没有’第一次之后没有足够的时间作曲。我所知道的是,当我去假发店时,我不再兴奋了。我只是想回家。

公平起见, 利亚 很可爱我们玩了一些假发,甚至试穿了金色假发… nope lol Don’t think I’我应该是金发女孩,哈哈她甚至拍了我的照片,并以如此美丽的方式给我的头发定型。她说如果我 ’我曾经出去,突然出现,她’我会为我的头发定型:)她’太好了。我确实买了新的假发,但事实是,我的内心没有’在里面。我觉得很丑。我感到as愧。我感到非常难过。我只是想回家。

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row] [et_pb_row admin_label =”Row” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” padding_mobile=”on” background_color=”#beb9e9″ 所有ow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_2=”off” parallax_method_2=”off”column_padding_mobile =”on”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_image admin_label=”Image” src=”//weiyanglogistics.cn/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/transgender-abuse-wigshop-wigs-2017.jpg” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”off” sticky=”off” align=”center” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” alt=”Wigshop Wigs, by Transgender Artist 索菲·劳森(Sophie Lawson)”] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″] [et_pb_text admin_label =”pink quote text box” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”center” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” saved_tabs=”all” header_text_color=”#ffffff” text_text_color=”#ffffff” header_font=”|||on|” header_font_size=”26px” text_font_size=”22″ text_line_height=”1em” background_color=”#beb9e9″ custom_padding=”20%|20%|20%|20%”]

这里’我在WIGSHOP中尝试过的某些假发。

我喜欢她的发型。

她看起来很轻松,但是当我尝试收回她的所作所为时…它看起来很完整

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她一定感觉到了我的心情,因为当小时过去了,我们说再见时,她告诉我要去那里自信地走。我说谢谢,但这只是让我想哭更多。步行回家时,我发现自己走上了尽可能多的后街,以限制与人类相遇的机会。

I got in. Sat on my bed. Took my wig 关, and burst into tears.

我被一些强烈的自杀感觉所打击。我不’不应受到虐待。我不’甚至不要介意看起来像戴着假发的男人。在某种程度上,我必须接受这一点。我可以’不能对我目前的样子做任何事情,但是为什么我不得不忍受虐待我呢?一世’我没有伤害任何人。

You can have 所有 these nice supportive friends, but at some point you have to go out on your own. Brave it in the real world on your own. It’s scary. I cried 所有 night on my bed. Looking through the photos 利亚 已经没有’t help, 所有 I could see was a man with a wig on. How could I have ever gone outside looking like that? I kept thinking.

真是个蠢才。

I’m 关 now to meet Erin for a bike ride. She’是支持小组的朋友。一世’就像我侄子几周前说的那样,我要骑我的男式自行车去见她’不想在自行车上穿衣服,你’他会说:)如果没有别的,今天他让我和我的姐姐笑了。’将会是美好的一天,我’请确保这一点。

更新

I’我最初在日记中手写后一个月就输入了此条目,此后发生了一些事情。我对出现在女性模式下的信心使我大跌眼镜,我’我做了很多思考。一世’从那以后,我只在女性模式下外出过一次,那是在我被虐待回到支持小组后的几天。那里’是一名警察,隶属于支持小组,所以我向他报告了事件,艾琳,我和我一起骑自行车的女孩建议我这样做,因为这可能会在将来对某人有所帮助。

警察也给了很好的比喻。他说他可以’这与遭受跨性别虐待的人所经历的感觉有关,但是他认为这就像穿一件套头衫出去,让人们对它说些讨厌的话。他说,无论您是谁,都会对您造成影响,您会再次考虑在外面穿那件跳线。我进一步迈出了一步,对我说,这就像穿着一件套头衫,您已经不能100%地确定您是否喜欢它的外观。

自从这种滥用以来,发生了很多变化。它’至少可以说,这是情绪的过山车,但我觉得这种虐待可能最终成为我身上发生的最好的事情。一世’我会在以后的日记中解释更多,但我能感觉到积极的事情:)哦,和艾琳一起骑自行车真是太好了。宇宙甚至把我们带到了一个充满美丽的蓝色铃铛的草地上。就像电影里的场景一样:)

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如果您想了解我的艺术/生活历程,最好的方法之一是通过我的新闻通讯。 该新闻通讯在每月的14号发布,每月的明信片抽奖在1号进行。自二月份以来,我一直在发送少量电子邮件,因此,这是目前找到我的最佳位置:)

您可以了解有关我的更多信息 时事通讯在这里

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“如果您不迈出第一步,那么您将找不到一条路。”

藤沼智

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